So I have come to realize that the scale is unavoidable. Shocker. They are at work and I get weighed twice a week anyway, so I know my weight. Plus, there was a little incident with the home scale, and how it was supposed to be gone, but actually wasn't and now it lives under the seat of my car, not weighing anything or anybody, but just there. A great story but not the topic of this particular entry. I am doing great with my meal plan, trying to live the life of recovery that I so desperately want, but the scale. That damn scale. The truth is, I am addicted to the scale. Sure it is part of my ED, but also has power outside the ED as well and just as you cant ask an addict to stop their behavior, it is unrealistic to ask me to stop with the scale. That being said, however, I need to find a way not to let the number affect my progress. I weighed myself on Tuesday and Wednesday, with a loss of 0.4 pounds. Though this is not the goal, and could have been due to any combination of many factors, I got "that surge." That all to familiar anorexic power surge from that small decrease in "the number." The good news is that I recognized it and it did not affect my meal plan or mood for the rest of the day, but it was a wake up call. If I can't give up the scale, but still have that electric current that can surge at any moment, activated by a number, what the hell do I do?
For now, all I can promise is honesty. Here is today's reading from For Today:
"Only God can fully know what absolute honesty is. There fore each of us has to conceive what this great ideal may be- to the best of our ability. - Bill W.
Truth is always the same; honesty changes with my awareness. Honesty has many facets. There is cash register honesty, usually accompanied by making making sure other people know about it. There is let-me -tell-you-for-your-own-good honesty, which is hurtful, perhaps dominating. There is one-sided honesty, which is a recitation of my spouse's, lover's, or friend's wrongdoings, sometimes dumped at a hapless OA meeting.
And there is self-honesty, which serves the purpose of keeping my life in order, and personal honesty, which is a sharing of feelings, experiences and strengths without egotism, self-pity or exaggeration.
For today: A fundamental principle of the program is to be as honest as possible with myself and everyone my life touches."
So that's what I will do. Be honest. I am addicted to the scale. You can't expect me to just stop a behavior, so please help me deal with the information and maintain my recovery.
For now, all I can promise is honesty. Here is today's reading from For Today:
"Only God can fully know what absolute honesty is. There fore each of us has to conceive what this great ideal may be- to the best of our ability. - Bill W.
Truth is always the same; honesty changes with my awareness. Honesty has many facets. There is cash register honesty, usually accompanied by making making sure other people know about it. There is let-me -tell-you-for-your-own-good honesty, which is hurtful, perhaps dominating. There is one-sided honesty, which is a recitation of my spouse's, lover's, or friend's wrongdoings, sometimes dumped at a hapless OA meeting.
And there is self-honesty, which serves the purpose of keeping my life in order, and personal honesty, which is a sharing of feelings, experiences and strengths without egotism, self-pity or exaggeration.
For today: A fundamental principle of the program is to be as honest as possible with myself and everyone my life touches."
So that's what I will do. Be honest. I am addicted to the scale. You can't expect me to just stop a behavior, so please help me deal with the information and maintain my recovery.
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