Well I will not be returning to work next week, and I am working on being ok with this decision, as I know it is in my best interest. When I pause, mindfully examining the situation it is the right thing and there is peace in that for me.
Today was busy, so many appointments, very little time to think, to process. I went to my PCP in the AM, did the grocery shopping for the week, unpacked and put away groceries, saw Sue, saw Dr. Fadness, saw Amy, visited work (where I was supposed to have a meeting but it was cancelled), got up the courage to talk to Mark again, went to the pharmacy, picked up the kids in Jericho, got them to bed and watched a great movie (Burlesque-highly recommend it). Somewhere in there I also managed to eat three meals and three snacks. In general, this is a dangerous cocktail, not only with ED but in life. I have discovered in my 8 profound days of recovery that mindfulness is one of the most challenging and rewarding gifts you can give to yourself. I have also discovered that filling every moment of everyday precludes one's ability to be mindful, as one is always moving, never still. Without mindfulness, I feel reactionary, impulsive, constantly falling short of expectations and honestly disconnected from myself and others around me. How is that life? It hurts me and it can hurt others drawn in. So tomorrow is a new day, my hope for myself, mindfulness. Practice enjoying and taking in every moment of the whole day without worrying about "what next?"
Tomorrow's goal: Try living life, not anticipating it.
Today was busy, so many appointments, very little time to think, to process. I went to my PCP in the AM, did the grocery shopping for the week, unpacked and put away groceries, saw Sue, saw Dr. Fadness, saw Amy, visited work (where I was supposed to have a meeting but it was cancelled), got up the courage to talk to Mark again, went to the pharmacy, picked up the kids in Jericho, got them to bed and watched a great movie (Burlesque-highly recommend it). Somewhere in there I also managed to eat three meals and three snacks. In general, this is a dangerous cocktail, not only with ED but in life. I have discovered in my 8 profound days of recovery that mindfulness is one of the most challenging and rewarding gifts you can give to yourself. I have also discovered that filling every moment of everyday precludes one's ability to be mindful, as one is always moving, never still. Without mindfulness, I feel reactionary, impulsive, constantly falling short of expectations and honestly disconnected from myself and others around me. How is that life? It hurts me and it can hurt others drawn in. So tomorrow is a new day, my hope for myself, mindfulness. Practice enjoying and taking in every moment of the whole day without worrying about "what next?"
Tomorrow's goal: Try living life, not anticipating it.
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