Day 6: Hannah Montana Forever may have Possibly Saved my Life

Lame right? But so true.

WARNING: this next part is not happy, it makes me sad to type it and it could be triggering for those still suffering.

Monday I had my first "slip," since returning home.  It was scary and basically destroyed my confidence that I could handle this eating thing in the "outside world." It felt really bad. Then Tuesday followed, as tends to happen after Mondays, and things only got worse. I continued to slip, and even missed a meal, which for me is a HUGE red flag. I felt doomed, done for. I emailed my nutritionist, who I love by the way, and some supports who all reminded me to be gentle with myself, take it one day at a time, and recommit to recovery. I went to sleep trying to embody these suggestions recommitting myself to God and recovery, but on the inside I still felt like a failure and that there was no way to "flip the slip," recovery had been short lived.

These thoughts echoed through the night, still resonating in the morning. I sat down at the computer, searching for musical inspiration both to continue my journey and paint my meditation room all by myself. I googled "slip and flip lyrics" and it responded with a myriad of musical genres and choices. That is when I found it. THE SONG. I already secretly like Miley Cyrus because my daughter loves her and dances around and sings every time she hears her, plus "The Climb," c'mon people that song is awesome. Anyway I came across the song "I'm still good," the lyrics:

So I might slip again
Let it in now and then
That don't mean anything
I'm still good
Tryin' to be my best
When I fall it's a mess
Pick myself up again
I'm still good
I'm still good
When days are like that
And I can't shake 'em
It's weighin' on my mind
So I'm just sayin'
I'm only human
Life gets you down sometimes
I think about it
When I wanna give up
How to keep on goin'
How to keep my chin up
Somehow I know it
I'm not gonna give up
Never gonna give up
So I might slip again
Let it in now and then
That don't mean anything I'm still good
Tryin' to be my best
When I fall it's a mess
Pick myself up again
I'm still good
Life puts up a fight with me
But I can take on anything
I'm gonna make it real
This dream I believe in
I think about it
When I wanna give up
How to keep on goin'
How to keep my chin up
Somehow I know it
I'm not gonna give up
Never gonna give up
Oh oh oh
So I might slip again
Let it in now and then
That don't mean anything
I'm still good
Tryin' to be my best
When I fall it's a mess
Pick myself up again
I'm still good
I'm still good
Pick myself up again
I'm still good
I'm still, I'm still good

Needless to say, I downloaded it and have been listening to it, A LOT. I also download some Bell Biv DeVoe ("smack it up, flip it, rub it down") such a guilty pleasure :) But hey, whatever works, right? Hannah Montana Forever helped my recommit. I was 100% compliant with my meal plan today. Thank you, Miley.

When I went to OA tonight, I decided to take a new medallion, celebrating my one day in recovery, one step at a time. Not to celebrate or condone the slip, slips happen, but as a reminder that, "I'm still good."